Feeling Hurt

So I have a lot of new changes in my life and I'm just now starting to feel some of the emotional consequences of it all. My ex-roommate, who at one point I considered my best friend, finally moved out of my house. She failed to leave her key, failed to pay for July bills, Aug bills & Aug rent. I have contacted her several times to find out where she wants me to forward her mail too & find out what's going on; to no avail. I guess I just don't understand people like this. I know at the end things were off between us, but at the same time I would never treat someone with such disrespect. I always kept hoping for the best in this person and am just once again let down.



On the flip side, while some of my bonds of friendships are strengthening I feel I've lost others. As I heard this from a friend, another once friend said "She is done with me." Apparently L is pissed off at me because she got caught telling people a secret of another friend, S. I admitted to said friend, S, that I was guilty of this as well and apologized, told her there was no excuse for my actions & that I was sorry. S got mad, hurt & I accepted that, but later we continued talking and she soon forgave me. But among this conversation, S figured out what L had done and it was confirmed by another source. So when S confronted L, L got pissed at me rather than taking responsibility for her actions & told S that she was done with me.



This is the kind of high school none sense I was getting sick of and prompted me to talk to S in the first place. Everyone in our "group" of friends had been guilty at some point or another betraying or talking sh*t about someone else at one point or another. I just got sick of it and really wanted to clear the air and build a stronger relationship with my friend S, which luckily I have accomplished. But amidst this I have been ostracized from the group it seems. It appears L is being super friendly with S, & L, J, & D (3 of the group) no longer communicates with me.



Although, I recognized I have not yet tried to contact them, I really am not in a place to deal with any confrontations or B.S. I really don't have it in me emotionally to try and work things out. I am so hurt right now that everyone is so easily and willing to drop our friendships & it makes me question whether they really were my friends to begin with or just drinking buddies. Furthermore, I just barely escaped from the emotional abuse of my ex-roommate and I really can't take anymore manipulations, lies or B.S. from anyone else right now.



The fact of the matter is, I am sorry if other people got hurt as a result of my confession to S & I am sorry that I didn't take into consideration the ramifications it would have to others. But I was just trying to be honest to S. No, I did not think of how it would affect her relationships with others because I didn't think my confession could, or that it would lead to the discovery of betrayals by others.



Of course, I don't know what is running around in everyone's brains, but I do know their actions, or inactions. I'm just tired; tired of being hurt by those around me, tired of being let down by those I care about & just tired of being so easily discarded.



But, I am thankful for those who have stood by my, listened to me, supported me and have just been such great friends to me. They keep me tethered & keep my optimism going; it's just sometimes hard to see it through the hurt and pain.