The Calm After the Storm

So this pertains to my earlier rantings. I have been going through some major life style changes lately and am finally dealing with a ton of emotional baggage I have ignored for too long. One of these changes is I no longer drink, as it was spinning out of control. As a result, my perceptions of my interactions with my friends has changed. As a result of the current incidents, I have been re-evaluating my relationships and attempting to determine what I really want in a friend and what type of friend I want to be. Through this process I have come to several conclusions.



One, drinking buddies do not equal friends. There has to be something more deep & meaningful for me to classify my association with someone as a friendship. Two, friendships need nurturing and time. Three, I want to keep some the friendships I've gained because they do have a solid foundation, but in order to do that I need communicate more with them, as they do with me.



What has brought me to these conclusions? Well after my rant about my girl friend, I really looked hard and evaluated the situation. I looked within myself & talked to several people. What I discovered is, there are some things in which I need to do in order to prevent situations like this from occurring, namely talk to her, be open, and really figure out what's going on inside that head of hers. I also realized that the changes I am going through makes things awkward and uncomfortable and I should not be making snap judgments about people until I fully understand the emotions being stirred inside of me.



So I picked up dinner tonight and headed over to my friends house and let her know I wanted to talk to her. One of things I discovered was how hurt she's been lately by those of us around her. I also realized that while I have been consumed by my own changes, I have not noticed her problems either. I did point out to her, that I will be there for her, but right now she needs to talk to me, let me know, because I am a little preoccupied, but when she does ask I will be there for her. We also had a frank discussion about her flirting. I understand where she is coming from & know that it's not intentionally done to hurt those of us around her, but I also was able to point out that it has ramifications she will have to accept if she does not want to change those behaviors. I was also able to tell her, that I would really like her to not have to rely so much on attention by men for validation.



I learned 2 important things. She is aware of these issues and being able to talk to her about it, both from my perspective and her perspective only has made us closer. And 2, I can have adult conversations with a friend, discuss uncomfortable topics and still trust that they understand I love them, flaws and all. I also opened the door for her to bring my actions into question, and I have to try and remember to handle it as well as her (sometimes this is a lot easier then others depending on the current emotional state & the approach taken, but I have gotten better at it).



So, although it has been an emotionally grueling day, I'm hoping I made the right decision to trust her, myself and open the doors to communication. I know some of the stuff we spoke about might have other repercussions, but I only hope our friendship is strong enough to survive them.