Just Some Random Thoughts

So, I took the bar exam and let me tell you it was really not as hard as I expected. It's just a lot of memorization of the law and being able to apply it in a fast & concise manner. So, hopefully I passed, but if not I have a good bases to move forward from. Now I am studying for the MPRE (Professional, Responsibility & Ethics) test for Friday. Saturday I head to Vegas for 2 weeks, but don't get too excited for me. While working out, laying by the pool, I will be studying for the GREs for my PhD programs.



All I have to say, at least I get a change of scenery & can get out of dodge for a while. I really need a change in pace, people & scenery.



I guess the thing that I have been noticing lately is that I am finally growing up. The silly stupid comedy that used to be fun & stress relieving is just annoying, childish and immature. I feel as though sometimes when I go out it's a waste of a good outfit & a waste of my time. My friend and I have really been discussing the lack of stimuli where we live. Let me explain a little more...



My friends and I went out to dinner for 2 birthdays. While we were sitting around the table, the level of conversation was of the meaningless type. I just sat there with nothing to contribute thinking to myself, except for being here for my friends birthdays (because that is important to me) I was completely bored & annoyed. I just don't understand meaningless conversations. Why are you talking if you have nothing of import to say? Nothing of substance, or nothing that lets us get to know one another more? I just felt as though I was wasting my time. I guess you could say, more and more, the things in life that interest me are learning about people and experiences; not the superficial conversations that bring no knew meaning of who someone is.



It's like going to a party, seeing an acquaintance & asking them how they are just to be polite when half the time I don't really care. If I did you would be my friend & I would attempt to get to know you more. But as I watch the dynamics of my group of friends, I see a weird microcosms of interactions & group dynamics. And I have to say, I'm getting pretty bored just hanging out. I want to experience more of life than just hanging out, drinking, whatever. So, I am resolved to fill my schedule with new interesting plans. I want to live my life to the fullest and stop partaking in things that bore me. I have suffered through enough for my friends with little in return and I am just done.



I wonder if maybe it's time for me to break out of my close circle of friends and expand my horizons beyond them. Do not get me wrong, I love them all as individuals & they have been wonderful friends, I just don't think most of them get the changes I am going through.



Plus I have to admit, I am not one who fights for the spotlight, but occasionally I would like some attention. But those needs are not being fulfilled by this circle of friends, so I need to seek out other places to get this need fulfilled. I guess what I am trying to say is I am tired of being lonely with so many people surrounding me.



What to do? What to do?