Indescribable

It's nights like these that I hate being alone, but it's also nights like these where I am always alone. I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but at the same time I hate that I need anyone. I hate feeling disconnected from life and alone in the world. I hate that I always face the pain alone; that I haven't yet been able to quell the tide of emotions; that I have not yet been able to pull myself out of a tailspin of pain, remembering the bad times over and over again.

What I really hate is physically feeling the pain and yet delighting in it. My old friend is still with me. That's just sad, thinking of pain as an old friend who has for too long been with me in my short life. I just want to cry and be cleansed, but I know although this spell will only last for a short time, it will return again and the cycle will continue as it always does. What is the point of continuing?



Hope is a double edged sword. On the one side I need it to keep going, I need to hope things will get better. On the other edge, it's a complete disappointment; to have your hopes raised only to be dashed into tiny fragments of sand and dust; dreams are shattered, hopes dashed, and disappointing reality comes crashing in.



If only wishes were real and dreams came true.

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