Intermission - Frozen Safety
Why does it seem my mood, my feelings change with the tide? One night I am feeling strong with my new found respect for myself. I see things that night which hurt and anger me, and I refuse to put myself through the torture of watching the train wreck that is you.
I leave, and drown my pain, my sorrow and hurt in dancing. I escape into a world of movement, cadence, and physical connection with myself. My pulse raises, my body sways, I lose myself in the rhythm, the beat, the music and for a short while my soul transcends.
Suddenly, my soul slams back into my body as real life intrudes upon my moment of peace. My chest tightens and feelings bleed from my heart. The dance temporary stemmed the flood of emotions, while I still search for a permanent fix. I head to the restroom, my friends have all forgotten me, I am only a thought, a memory, in the back of their mind.
I can no longer stem the tide; tears stream down my face. Once again I find myself alone, to face the onslaught of emotions. As the wave crests, I wonder why would anyone want to be around for this moment, I can barely stomach it myself. As I rock myself back in forth trying to give comfort, all that runs through my head is “It will pass, it will pass, I just need to survive it.”
As the tides recedes a new found numbness settles over my heart. Inside my soul cries again, as the walls have been built back up stronger, thicker and taller and it is trapped once again in the safe, cold, alone cocoon I have built for it.