Intermission - Wishful Thinking
I know I should continue on with my story from the other night, but I am having such an overflow of emotion right now I just need to free write for a little bit.
Wishful Thinking
I feel as though there is a whole burning in my chest; as though I am the walking wounded. I watch you from across the way and begin to dream of what could be if only you could see me. I am surrounded by mother nature's beauty yet my eyes keep straying to you; your flaws, quirks and annoying actions, increase your perfection in my minds eye.
But, I know the inconvenient truth; you don't see me and never will. You will never see the stars in my eyes when you are near, the joy or comfort I feel when you are near me. These feelings are a blessing and a curse. You have awakened me to feeling again, I don't know quite yet what to do with them. Intellectually, I know I am feeling too much because of the novelty and newness of it all, and hopefully, with time the heart wrenching hurt and disappointment will dissipate. Yet I am feeling feeling something again; a gift you have given me that you will never know.
Along with these feelings you have awakened in me, I am beginning to dream, to have hope again. For so long I have shut these emotions off, protected myself from feeling, so I do not hurt again. Now I fear my heart has suddenly been exposed, left in the open, to be loved or to be hurt? Either way I hope that when the time comes I am ready for what life throws at me. But, please I pray it is not hurt. I'm not sure I can survive another disappointment, another heart break.
If only wishes were real & dreams came true.