Long Over Due Update
A Pregnant Women's Right to Refuse Medical Treatment, by Taralynn, December 2, 2007
I. & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; THE RIGHT OF PREGNANT WOMEN TO REFUSE CARE
The right to refuse medical treatment developed first in common law[1] then became protected by an unwritten constitutional right of privacy.[2] The Court in Griswold found the unwritten constitutional right of privacy to exist in the penumbra of specific guarantees of the Bill of Rights “formed by emanations from those guarantees that help give them life and substance.”[3] Presumably this right is broad enough to encompass a patient's decision to decline medical treatment under certain circumstances, in much the same way as it is broad enough to encompass a woman's decision to terminate pregnancy under certain conditions.[4] When dealing with refusal of medical treatment cases, the courts usually balance autonomy of the individual and their interests against the state’s interest.
Even though the right to refuse medical treatment is well established, the right for pregnant women to refuse treatment is inconsistent. Some courts will order a pregnant woman to have caesarian section or blood transfusion if the life of the fetus, particularly a long-term fetus, is in peril and jeopardized by the pregnant mother’s refusal.[5] However, other courts take the view that the pregnant mother’s right of autonomy is for all intents and purpose absolute, even though her decision to refuse treatment will imperil the fetus.[6]
A. & nbsp; &n bsp; Protecting A Pregnant Women’s Rights
1. & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Right to Reproductive Privacy
One argument for protecting a pregnant mother’s right to refuse medical treatment is the right of reproductive privacy. In Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court held that the right to privacy encompasses a woman's decision whether or not to terminate her pregnancy.[7] However, the court held that a woman's right to terminate her pregnancy is not absolute, and may to some extent be limited by the state's legitimate interests in safeguarding the woman's health, in maintaining proper medical standards, and in protecting potential human life.[8]
The Court set up benchmarks from where a women’s right is absolute to when a state’s interest becomes compelling and what regulation the state may enact. The state’s interest becomes “compelling” at viability of the fetus.[9] Prior to the end of the first trimester of pregnancy, the state may not interfere with or regulate an attending physician's decision, reached in consultation with his patient, that the patient's pregnancy should be terminated.[10] The court reasoned that during the first trimester the fetus is not viable and at this point abortion may be safer than child birth.[11] When the fetus reaches viability, where the fetus can live outside the mother’s womb and the state can prohibit abortion at this point altogether except “when it is necessary to preserve the life or health of the mother.”[12]
Planned Parenthood v. Casey further defined reproductive privacy law. The Court applied the doctrine of stare decisis and reaffirmed the essential holdings in Roe v. Wade because that decision was still workable and its factual underpinnings had not changed. In a joint opinion, three Justices rejected Roe's trimester framework and adopted an undue burden test for determining whether State regulations had the purpose or effect of placing substantial obstacles in the path of a woman seeking an abortion before viability.[13]
In these cases, the courts are balancing the mother’s right to choose her medical treatment and the state’s interest in “in safeguarding the woman's health, in maintaining proper medical standards, and in protecting potential human life.”[14] As a result of Roe’s determination of the state’s interest in abortion cases, some courts have used this reasoning in limiting a pregnant mother’s right to refuse medical treatment, whereas some courts still have refused to limit the mother’s autonomy.
2. & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Autonomy and Self-Determination
Another argument for protecting a women’s right to refuse medical treatment is based on the principle of autonomy. Beginning at the turn of the last century, courts began to give shape to the protections of patients' medical decision-making.[15] Although the theoretical underpinnings remained somewhat inarticulate and contradictory, the early decisions reflected the deep roots of an individual's right to self-determination.[16] In 1914, Justice Cardozo, in Schloendorff v. Society of New York Hospital, articulated the theoretical basis for requiring a patient's consent to surgery within the right to self-determination.[17] He wrote: “Every human being of adult years and sound mind has a right to determine what shall be done with his own body; and a surgeon who performs an operation without his patient's consent, commits an assault, for which he is liable in damages.”[18] Health care in the United States, particularly in the last 50 years, has been characterized by increased patient autonomy in the decision making process.[19]
Physicians must adequately inform patients of treatment options, risks, and benefits, so the patients may make informed choices about which treatment modality they wish to receive. Informed consent has pushed American medicine toward increased patient autonomy.[20] Informed consent requirements cover both invasive in vivo health care treatments and non-invasive in vitro diagnostic testing.[21] That is, the patient has a right to make an informed choice, even if a particular health care intervention does not threaten physical autonomy or bodily integrity.[22] The Supreme Court has held that each person has a constitutional right to make healthcare decisions, including the right to refuse medical treatment.[23] In the cases that follow, the courts have upheld the principle of patient autonomy on behalf of the mother, rather allowing state’s interests to override them or establishing a separate autonomy for the fetus.
In In re Baby Doe, “Doe" was a married woman who was expecting her first child and she sought and had been receiving regular prenatal care throughout her pregnancy at St. Joseph's Hospital in Chicago.[24] All parties and the court regarded her as mentally competent.[25] After a series of tests were performed by a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and expert in the field of maternal/fetal medicine who is affiliated with the hospital, the doctor informed Doe that something was wrong with the placenta, and that the approximately 35-week, viable fetus was receiving insufficient oxygen.[26] The doctor recommended immediate delivery by cesarean section, in his opinion the safest option for the fetus or, in the alternative, by induced labor.[27] Doe refused both procedures based on her personal religious beliefs and her husband agreed with her decision.[28] Doe vaginally delivered an apparently normal and healthy, although somewhat underweight, baby boy.[29]
On appeal, the issue was whether an Illinois court could balance whatever rights a fetus may have had against the rights of a competent woman to refuse medical advice to obtain a cesarean section for the supposed benefit of her fetus.[30] The state argued that the circuit court should have balanced the rights of the unborn, but viable fetus which was nearly at full term and which, if the uncontradicted expert testimony of the physicians had been accurate, would have been born dead or severely retarded if the mother delivered vaginally, against the right of the competent women to choose the type of medical care she deemed appropriate, based in part on personal religious considerations.[31] The court held that no such balancing should have been employed, and that a woman's competent choice to refuse medical treatment as invasive as a cesarean section during pregnancy had to be honored, even in circumstances where the choice could have been harmful to her fetus.[32]
In In re A.C., the mother was 26 weeks pregnant, suffering from cancer and was unconscious.[33] The mother's doctors filed a petition requesting permission to perform a cesarean section to deliver the child.[34] During the proceedings, the mother briefly regained consciousness and seemed to have mouthed words to the effect that she did not want the operation performed.[35] The trial court granted the petition and the representative appealed.[36] A panel of the court denied a stay pending appeal, the operation was performed, and both mother and child died.[37]
Afterwards, the court heard the case en banc, and vacated the trial court's judgment. The court held that if the mother had been competent, she would have had the right to decide whether or not the operation would be performed.[38] Furthermore, the court held that because the patient was not competent, the trial court should have determined how to proceed based on substituted judgment or what the mother would have done had she been competent and the trial court erred when it based its judgment on the viability of the child instead of on the substituted judgment of the mother. The court further noted that:
In this case, for instance, the medical interests of the mother and the fetus were in sharp conflict; what was good for one would have been harmful to the other. In Madyun, however, there was no real conflict between the interests of mother and fetus; on the contrary, there was strong evidence that the proposed caesarean would be beneficial to both. Moreover, in Madyun the pregnancy was at full term, and Mrs. Madyun had been in labor for two and a half days; in this case, however, A.C. was barely two-thirds of the way through her pregnancy, and there were no signs of labor.[39]
In deciding this case, the court clearly considered what would be in the best interest of the mother and/or fetus demonstrating that the court outweighed the principle of beneficence to that of autonomy for the mother.
3. & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Right Not to Be Forced To Rescue
Another argument in support of a woman’s right to refuse medical treatment is that she has no duty to rescue the fetus. In law, there is no obligation to take on duty to rescue and an affirmative duty to act only arises when a special relationship exists between the parties.[40] The fact that an actor realizes or should realize that action on his part is necessary for another's aid or protection does not of itself impose upon him a duty to take such action unless a special relationship exists between the actor and the other which gives the other the right to protection.[41] Special relationships have been established by tort law, but are limited in scope and application.
In McFall v. Shimp, the patient's prognosis for survival was dim unless he received a bone marrow transplant from a compatible donor.[42] The patient sought to compel a party who was a relative and found to be a suitable donor, to submit to further tests and to the bone marrow transplant.[43] The court stated the common law rule that one human being was under no legal compulsion to give aid or to take action to save another human being or to rescue.[44] The court stated that the rule was founded upon the very essence of our free society and that forcible extraction of living body tissue caused revulsion to the judicial mind.[45] Furthermore, in this case, although the patient and the party he was attempting to compel were relatives, the court did not find that a special relationship existed and thus an affirmative duty to act.
In In re Richardson, the father of a mentally ill boy wanted to compel the mother’s consent to surgical removal and transplantation of one of the boy's kidneys for donation to his sister. [46] The court concluded that neither the child's parents nor the courts could authorize surgical intrusion on the minor child for the purpose of donating one of his kidneys to his sister.[47] The court came to this conclusion by using the best interest of the child analysis rather than finding a special relationship between the siblings and an affirmative duty to act. However, the court reaffirms the concept that individuals do not have a duty to save. However, once a person starts to rescue, a relationship is created and the person is obligated to exercise reasonable care for the protection of the individual being rescued.[48]
It is unclear how successful this argument would be in a court of law. One could argue that the mother has a special relationship with the fetus, thus creating a duty to save. Although the difficulty would be in determining when this duty is created, at the time of conception, when the mother discovers she’s pregnant, or at viability. Another further complication with this argument would be if a pregnant mother seeks out medical services for the fetus, this could be viewed as a start to rescuing thus creating a special relationship obligating the mother to exercised reasonable care of the protection of the fetus. The difficulty would be in determining what reasonable care means for a pregnant woman and whether it changes throughout the stages of pregnancy or not.[49]
4. & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Right to Refuse based on Freedom of Religion
Another argument for refusing medical treatment, when that refusal is based upon religious beliefs, is the right to freedom of religion as protected by the 1st Amendment. In many cases, a pregnant women’s refusal of treatment is based on her religious beliefs although not all courts address this issue. In Taft v. Taft, a pregnant woman refused to submit to an operation of a few sutures and “purse string” to hold the pregnancy.[50] Her refusal was based on her religious beliefs and without the operation it was probable that the wife would have had a miscarriage.[51] In this case, the husband was seeking the authority to force his wife to undergo the surgical procedure.[52] The family court rendered a judgment that ordered the wife to submit to an operation in order to hold her pregnancy.[53]
On appeal, the court vacated the family court's judgment because the record was devoid of facts for ordering the wife to submit to an operation against her consent.[54] The court found the record did not show circumstances so compelling as to justify the curtailment of the wife's constitutional rights to privacy or freedom of religion.[55] Also, there was no showing of the degree of likelihood that the pregnancy would not have been carried to term without the operation and any interest the state may have had in requiring the wife to submit to the operation was not established in the record.[56] However, the court did recognize that perhaps the State's interest, in some circumstances, might be sufficiently compelling to justify such a restriction on a person's constitutional right of privacy.[57]
Many courts focus on the women’s right to refuse medical treatment versus the state’s interest in the fetus to avoid addressing 1st Amendment protections. If more courts do get around to addressing 1st Amendment arguments, whether they are successful depends on the amount of protection the courts within that jurisdiction has provided fetuses. If the courts in a specific jurisdiction accept fetal protection, then 1st Amendment arguments would likely fail because it has already been held that "Parents may be free to become martyrs themselves. But it does not follow they are free, in identical circumstances, to make martyrs of their children before they have reached the age of full and legal discretion when they can make that choice for themselves."[58]
II. & nbsp; &n bsp; CONCLUSION
The law and the Constitution establish certain rights for the citizens of the United States. These rights are not absolute and are limited when they conflict with third parties’ interest or cause harm to third parties.[59] The courts have the function of determining the hierarchy of interests and rights. The right to refuse medical treatment, specifically for pregnant women, have been both limited by and freed from state and fetal interests. Furthermore, the courts have both reaffirmed and denied civil and criminal liability of a pregnant woman’s actions while pregnant and the injuries sustained by the fetus as a result of these actions.
As in many of these cases, the consequence of the decisions made are not always known at the time of decision-making. Some cases where the hospitals attempted to obtain an order for a c-section, delivered healthy babies vaginally and other cases where an order was granted both mother and child died in the procedure. In some cases, the courts hold the right to autonomy higher than the state or fetal interest and visa-versa. So determining which principle is higher up on the hierarchy would determine which principle is the correct one to follow in all cases.
Furthermore, as technology increases, providing for fetus viability earlier on in the pregnancy and concrete evidence of determinants of fetal injuries, the balancing of interests will only become increasingly more difficult. The court’s will have to decide whether a fetal interest exists and set a hierarchy of interests in regards to the pregnancy. Justice Wilner, writing the opinion of the court in Kilmon v. State, points out the slippery slope in attaching criminal liability to pregnant mothers, which could also be seen as applying to civil liability as well.
Keeping in mind that recklessness, not intention to injure, is the key element of the offense, if, as the State urges, the statute is read to apply to the effect of a pregnant woman's conduct on the child she is carrying, it could well be construed to include not just the ingestion of unlawful controlled substances but a whole host of intentional and conceivably reckless activity that could not possibly have been within the contemplation of the Legislature -- everything from becoming (or remaining) pregnant with knowledge that the child likely will have a genetic disorder that may cause serious disability or death, to the continued use of legal drugs that are contraindicated during pregnancy, to consuming alcoholic beverages to excess, to smoking, to not maintaining a proper and sufficient diet … to exercising too much or too little, indeed to engaging in virtually any injury-prone activity that, should an injury occur, might reasonably be expected to endanger the life or safety of the child. Such ordinary things as skiing or horseback riding could produce criminal liability.[60]
Upon reflection of Justice Wilner’s observation and the observations made in this paper, it is clear that the courts and society are still attempting to prioritize the rights of individuals over others (i.e., fetuses over pregnant women, etc …). The difficulty and uncertainness of medical decisions and bioethical principles are reflected in society’s and the court’s struggles to prioritize the rights of individuals.
[1] Patrick Moore, An End-of-Life Quandary in Need of A Statutory Response: When a Patients Demand Life-Sustaining Treatment that Physicians Are Unwilling to Provide, 48 B.C. L. Rev. 433, 436-37 (2007). See also, Jerry Menikoff, Demanded Medical Care, 30 Ariz. ST. L.J. 1091, 1092 (1998).
[5] John Alan Cohan, Judicial Enforcement of Lifesaving Treatment for Unwilling Patients, 39 Creighton L. Rev. 849, 897 (2006).
[15] Ken Marcus Gatter, Protection Patient-Doctor Discourse: Informed Consent and Deliberative Autonomy, 78 Or. L. Rev. 941, 945 (1999).
[48] Farwell v. Keaton, 240 N.W.2d 217, 288 (1976)(stating “if the defendant does attempt to aid him, and takes charge and control of the situation, he is regarded as entering voluntarily into a relation which is attended with responsibility. Such a defendant will then be liable for a failure to use reasonable care for the protection of the plaintiff's interests. Where performance clearly has been begun, there is no doubt that there is a duty of care.")
[57] Taft, 446 N.E.2d at 397 (citing to Commissioner of Correction v. Myers, 399 N.E.2d 452, 453 (1979)(finding that a competent, nonconsenting, adult prisoner, might, in particular circumstances, properly be required to submit to life-saving hemodialysis treatment. Balancing the State's interests against the interests of the prisoner, the life-saving treatment could be mandated principally because of the State's interest in upholding orderly prison administration.))
[59] See Jacobson v. Massachusetts, 197 U.S. 11, 26 (1905). (holding that “the liberty secured by the Constitution to every person does not import an absolute right in each person to be, at all times and in all circumstances, wholly freed from restraint. There are manifold restraints to which every person is necessarily subject for the common good. The police power, the power to make laws to secure the comfort, convenience, peace and health of the community, is an extensive one, and it its exercise a very wide discretion as to what is needful or proper for that purpose.)
Health Care Issue Once Again
First, I will reading the entire Health Care Reform bill which was passed and completing an analysis on its proposals for school. So if you are unsure of what the bill actually provides for check back at a later date & as I'll provide that information to you.
Ok, on to the main topic I want to vent about again. it's still frustrating to see other people's uneducated opinions being spouted across the web about our health care system. I wrote a paper on the damn topic and did much research into the stats being provided by the most newspapers and government sources and found no stats or research which dispute these claims. So if you have an peer reviewed article or study please reference it so I can look it up and add it to my knowledge of the issue. But I still stand by these basic premises and am recopying a post to PastorDaves Blog about Obama and the health care system:
I know it's been a while but thought I would add to the argument a little (most information is from a paper I did for law school and the stats come from peer review or law review articles - and through my searching of the many articles available, I found little if any who contradict the basic stats provided therein - so if you disagree with the stats then you disagree with the majority of the professionals who actually collect and analyze the data):
Access:
The Institute of Medicine (“IOM”) estimates that 18,000 people between the ages of 25 and 64 die each year because they lack health insurance making lack of health insurance the sixth-leading cause of death among people under age 65.
However, the biggest argument against universal health care in terms of access is rationing. Rationing occurs when limited resources exist and not everyone will have actual access to the care they need in a timely fashion. A common myth which exists in the United States is that we do not already ration our health care. The most obvious way in which we ration health care is between those who have insurance versus those who do not have insurance. Even for those who do not have insurance and seek medical attention in emergency rooms, they are more likely to put off seeking medical attention until the problem has become severe and less likely to receive follow-up care. Using rationing as an argument against universal access also presupposes that rationing of care is unnecessary or immoral. Even opponents to universal health care understand that rationing occurs and is necessary in a system with limited resources.
However, the disagreement occurs when deciding who should be responsible for rationing care; the individual or government bureaucrats. Opponents to universal health care argue that the primary way in which it is rationed in the United States is by individual choice and that in an ideal system, rationing would be by patient choice wherever possible. However, an ideal system does not exist and even those with insurance lack the power to make health care decisions because they are limited by their insurance providers. Even more so, those without insurance lack the power choose or even gain access to any health care. The opponent’s arguments place a negative emphasis on the health bureaucrats making rationing health care decisions and fail to address the impact of insurance bureaucrats making rationing of health care decisions. Nor do they propose any measure which would help achieve the ideal system allowing patients make these decisions without interference from one source or another (government or health care corporations).
Quality:
A common view prevalent in the United States is that we have the best health care system in the world; a view that has increasingly come under attack. In our current system, there are between 44,000 and 98,000 deaths from medical errors a year and a 2000 report on the epidemiology of medical error estimated that about 1 million preventable injuries occur to U.S. patients each year; these include transfusion errors, adverse drug events, surgery on the wrong side, and mistaken identity.
In addition, our system frequently fails to provide basic services such as immunizations or prenatal, primary and preventative care. The average ranking for the United States on 16 health indicators in a 1998 comparative study of 13 countries was twelfth, second from the bottom and in another study of 11 western countries, the United States was ranked last with respect to its primary care base and its per capita health care expenditures (the highest), while ranking poorly on public satisfaction, health indicators, and use of medication. Furthermore, “[a]lthough American medicine has produced many “miracles,” we are not the undisputed leader in medical innovation, only in the costliness and ubiquity of high-technology medicine.”
Similar to access, rationing is an argument used against universal health care in terms of quality. The argument posits that because of limited resources, the quality and type of care will be reduced in order to preserve costs. For example, currently in the United States, the elderly and disabled have a privileged position with respect to health care in the form of Medicare. But in other countries, where the entire population is part of the same government-funded health care plan, the elderly are usually pushed to the end of the rationing lines. For example, in Britain, it is extremely difficult for an elderly patient to get kidney dialysis, a kidney transplant, or any other transplant. However, studies have shown that in the United States, when transplants are rationed, income, race and sex play a factor. It is clear when resources are limited rationing is necessary. Furthermore, whenever rationing becomes a factor tough decisions must be made. Is really so bad to approve transplant for a 25 year old versus a 75 year old when the resources are limited? These types of questions are already being faced with limited resources in our current system and will continue to be necessary in any new system.
Furthermore, another argument is that the most up-to-date medical technologies may not be available either because there is not adequate equipment or because there will not be enough money to run the equipment. However, a RAND study found that “for most care that has been studied, there are large gaps between the care that people should receive and the care they do receive. This is true for all three types of care (preventative, acute, and chronic). It is true whether one looks at overuse or underuse. It is true in different types of care facilities and for different types of health insurance. It is true for all groups, from children to the elderly.” The current system in the United States fails the majority of the population when they do not have access to the most basic services, let alone the most up-to-date medical technologies, resulting in poor quality of care as a nation.
Finally, having a national system will allow for better epidemiological studies and better creation and implementation for best practices or evidence based medicine. In addition to forcing the health care industry to become more transparent in their practices and procedures which would allow for better assessment of practices and delivery of medicine in the hopes of reducing medical errors and creating a higher standard for quality.
Cost of Care:
Health costs are increasing at an alarming rate, with sixteen percent of our gross domestic product being spent on health, about twice the average for other rich countries. The resulting costs of lack of insurance and underinsurance to individuals and society are high. Uninsured individuals lose between 65 and 130 billion dollars annually in the form of increased morbidity and premature mortality. The IOM estimates that communities nationwide spend 35 billion dollars annually on uncompensated care for the uninsured. In addition, when an uninsured individual cannot pay for expensive health care, society picks up the costs. An IOM report on the effects of uninsurance states, “[t]he unreimbursed costs of caring for uninsured Americans are ultimately paid for by higher taxes and high prices for service and insurance. Local communities tend to bear the main economic burden of subsidizing service delivery, while the costs of public insurance are more broadly spread across state and federal budgets.” In addition, about 1.5 million families who file for bankruptcy can be attributed to the result of medical expenses.
Conclusions:
Achieving universal health care is a great ideal to strive for and many believe that it is within the reach for the United States. In order to achieve this goal, many actors must work together. The idea of consumer driven health care as a solution must be disabused. The health care market does not act like other markets and individuals within the market do not always act as rational consumers. Furthermore, reminding Americans that the VA and Medicare are our national health care programs, which have much success and popularity. In addition, rather than convincing people that government will not be involved in their health care choices, frame the question in terms of the government not-for profits who's sole business will be providing care versus the insurance bureaucrats who’s main responsible is making profits for their shareholders.
If you want any specific cites / sources for any of the above stats provided tell which one's and I will provide my sources.
Craigslist Personal Add - Day 10 Review
Craigslist Personal Add - Day 2 Review
So, I know it's only the second day of having my add up on craigslist. But so much has already happened and I am pleasantly surprised and shocked. So far, I've had 12 responses to my add. There are 2 things that have really blown my mind and has had me thinking and reevaluating some things in life. First, I was brutally honest with my appearance and other stuff. Here's my add...
"I am 30 y/o women searching for a partner in life. I am college educated (currently working on my Master's) originally from Maryland and haven't found anyone worth committing too in the area. I am 5'7" and weigh 240 although I don't look it and am working on losing weight. I have a pretty face, brown hair, blue eyes and I am looking for someone who loves me on the inside and can help me work on the outside. I am very secure in my person, but insecure with my body, but want someone to help me work through those issues. I definitely require someone with intelligence and a sense of humor. You don't have to be perfect on the outside, although it would be best if you are looking to improve there and we can do it together and chemistry is a must. I am one of those women who finds a man more attractive if they have a good personality. I am upfront and honest, can be aggressive at times and looking for someone to explore both mind and body. Please only serious replies and put INTERESTED in subject line."
The first shocker is how many responses I did get. And secondly, how many were as shocked to find someone honest and real on this thing. Ok, so I was looking on craigslist originally for a job for the summer, but decided for shits and giggles to check out the personal ads. I saw on there some platonic adds of people looking for workout partners and thought that's great I'll try that, and I did. I only got one response from that so far. Then like I said I got pissed off from a guy yesterday so decided to post my own personals add. After reading some of the adds on there, most of them were about sex, physical appearance and mainly superficial stuff so I really wasn't expecting any responses. But to my surprise, there are a couple of men still thinking or claiming they are real people.
Ok, why do I say they are claiming? Well, I still have a cynical side and just having a hard time believing its true. But rather than be skeptical and possibly miss out on something amazing, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and taking a risk with this. Yes, I know I will take necessary precautions, i.e. meet in public, get there number, give it to a girl friend and let her know my plans as well as call her when I get home. Oh, and I also let the guy know I'm doing that too.
Anyway, guy #3 from yesterday, got a picture of him and I'm surprised he's very good looking and in great shape. He also has some of the same beliefs as I do and is just as interested in learning and improving himself as I am. But it's not just him who has given me my new found hope. All of the guys that have contacted me so far have been civilized, nice and generally interested (as far as I can tell). I let the 2 youngster down and got a friendly response back.
I have the possibility of a new friend and overall the experience has been positive so far. I know I'm getting a little a head of myself as it can always get turned around, but so far, I'm happy with the results of my taking a risk and putting myself out there. It's sad that I'm still holding my breath waiting to be disappointed or let down. I just don't want to be hurt again, but at the same time I don't want to live my life scarred of being hurt and not take those risks that could lead to something wonderful. It's a struggle, and I'm working on it.
Finally, just wanted to say Happy St. Patty's Day to everyone!
Peace, love and all that jazz.
Branching Out - Some Scary Stuff
So early today, I was de-friended on facebook by this guy who I was kind of interested in. By what he was saying to me, I thought the feeling was mutual. So, my emotions started getting involved and today after he de-friended me I was hurt. I was going to write a whole blog about, how I don't understand why guys feed women a load of crap, but I controlled myself. I guess I have gotten to the point that I'm just sick of the whole thing.
So for fun, I decided to be brutally honest about myself and what I was looking for and put up an add on craigslist.com. I guess for just shits & giggles to see if there really is anyone out there that meets my list of qualifications. So, far I got a response from someone 19 years older than me with 2 kids, no thank you, and another 7 years younger. If I was looking for just a fling, maybe I'd go with the youngster, but I realize how immature and young I was at that age and don't want to go through that again. The third and final candidate, so far, is a year older than me. Interested in the law & business, but has a 10 y/o son. Yeesh, I guess we can't all get what we want. The only reason why the whole kid thing kind of turns me off is 1) don't know that I'm ready for that kind of responsibility & 2) I had a combined family and saw how hard it is dealing with the other parent, for the rest of your lives if things work out.
I know, I know, I'm jumping way ahead into problems which may not even come about, but it's what I do best. So, for #3, I responded back to him and so far we've had a nice exchange of e-mails. I can't seem to get a physical description of him, but other than that it's been interesting. Now we've moved onto txting.
Ok, so one part of myself is thinking, YES I am this desperate to be placing a personal add on craigslist. The other part of me is saying, well nothing else is working, why the hell not. I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. So go me for putting myself out there and trying something new. As for what the results will be, we'll just have to wait and see.
Unplugged (1st Month No Tv)
About a month ago I decided to cancel my cable tv. I kept the internet as it is necessary for me to remain connected for school. I had 2 main reasons for canceling; first, I wanted to save some money and 2) I wanted to have more free time to spend on school, house and personal things. As I used to spend a tremendous amount of time watching tv, I had hoped canceling it would help. Here are the results:
1) The first couple of weeks I stayed on top of my homework because I was bored and didn't have anything to do.
2) Later, I discovered hulu.com, netflix and audible.com (I had a gift certificate for it) and found other ways to procrastinate.
3) I did save money and will continue to save lots of money because most of my tv shows are online now, netflix is cheaper than renting or ordering movies on cable.
4) I became addicted to some games online.
5) I became aware of how out of touch with current events and news.
Conclusions: Canceling tv DID save me money and will continue to save me money. I need to find other sources for obtaining my news and once a procrastinator always a procrastinator.
So, although it's saved me money, I just found alternative ways to waste my time rather than do the things that need to get done in a timely fashion (oh, I still get everything done, but it's rushed and requires pulling almost all nighters).
Action: I'm going to continue my life with no tv and see if anything changes.
Boys, Boys, Boys - New 1 Year Goal
So, I have to admit, I'm feeling a little fuzzy right now waiting for my sleep meds to kick in. But I just wanted to write some tonight I guess. I have to admit I don't know what I want to do with myself anymore. Sure, there's all these things I want to change about myself, but that will be a never ending goal of mine throughout life. Will any of it make me happy? Will any of it make me feel more connected to the universe around me?
Oh, why is it so hard to make connections with people nowadays and why do we always give up on those connections so easily? I have no answers, I have not figured it out for myself. I do know one reason, for me anyway, timing. The timing is always bad. Earlier this year I met a man in which we just clicked about certain things. If only we lived in a bubble would it have been perfect. But the reality is, we don't live in a bubble and I could see road blocks and pot holes coming up pretty fast. Besides all this, I was willing to try and see where things would go despite the bright flashing lights up head say turn around, go back. Luckily the decision did not end up being mine and I was saved by the guy.
Saved how you ask? He apparently had a back couple of days dealing with his ex-psycho girl friends and just didn't want to talk to anyone. Up until this point we had talked or txted on the phone everyday for 2 weeks. So, something big came up. Got it. Trying to be the understand and supportive person I am, I backed off. Let him have his space for a couple of days. By the time day 3 rolled around, I wanted some damn answers, or at the very least some kind of response. I got nothing ...
I am now starting to understand the feeling when we were younger and would just never call guys back and just drop off the face of the universe. It's not a so nice feeling. So apologize to the poor schleps I treated this way. But, as I am now older and I hope wiser I no longer want to end things that way. You want to know why? Because in the 3 days that he failed to talk to me, I, being the typical girl that I am, start to wonder if I did anything wrong. I didn't think so, but hey I'm not always aware of what comes out of mouth sometimes. So, in an effort to reduce the insanity, I txted asking him if he was doing better and whether there was anything that I did or could do to help. Not to my surprise, no response from him ever again. Lovely.
This all occurred last month and your probably wondering why I'm still thinking about it. Well it's because I got back on my social-network sites and saw some updates about him. This little experience has lead me to defriend, friends I am no longer friends with so I am not tempted to know about their lives and how they are doing, or see them making fun of certain aspects of my life. I'm now building up the courage to defriend this said person as well. I mean really, what am I waiting for? Why do I keep out hope? And do I really want constant reminders that he is still out there living his life without me in it? To be honest, I didn't mind at first, but now that things have moved on, I really don't want to have ANY reminders of what did happen and what could have been.
Yet as I sit here contemplating this action I realize 2 things. I feel bad for doing things like this, afraid it will hurt them in some way and 2 I need to get over myself because if they actually gave a damn we'd still be talking. So the guilt is bullshit and I just need to let go of the hope... let it fly away into the ether.
So what are my plans for the future? I have none in that area. I'm going to live the life I want and screw worrying about men for a while. I'm tired of getting advice on how I should act or respond to things to get a man. Well, duh that's pretty easy ... believe me all through my sizes of weight gain and losses, I've never had a problem getting a man. They're just never the right man for me and I eventually get bored, find some character flaw I'm not willing to live with (i.e., mad jealousy), or let's just face it there was no chemistry.
So what is a 30 y/o single independent, intelligent lady supposed to do? Keep lamenting on the lack of quality of men out there (oh yes, I know, i know there's someone out there, b.s.) or just forget about it and do what I want to damn the consequences. And one of those consequences may be ending up alone, getting stimulation from massages, spin cycles, and various vibrating animals all on my own.
Yes it is sad you say, but then I look at it this way. Being single, with money, very little responsibility. What could I do? I can dream again, I can take all those trips & adventurers I've been dying to take; spend a month in Ireland in a cute cottage writing, exploring and dreaming, visit Russia and it's beautiful architecture, head to Italy where when the men speak I just get all wet, oh and don't forget the passion, food, history of all the places ... which will of course lead to several passionate filled flings across the world.
At least then I will actually be the vulnerable women, unsure of where to go, or lost ready to be rescued and can get away with not following any social norms as I don't know them. I could just be set free to be myself. What a lovely dream ... Hmm, now I'm going to have to start looking for ways to accomplish this dream ... win the lottery, I wish, get the first book published in a series, if only if only, or just say screw it balls to the walls and just make it happen. I guess will have to wait and see. I have about a year to figure it all out on my own. But believe me, by 2011 I'm going to be starting a new life, with a new adventure, because the one I have for myself, it's just dull, boring, and without very much passion (the passion that does exist I get vicariously through the books I'm addicted too). I want to break out and be free to live life not just watch it go by.
Ok, meds are finally kicking in, need to head to bed to dream up schemes to accomplish my dreams & adventurous.
Peace, love and all that jazz.
The Butt of Jokes
It seems my blog has become the butt of a joke among certain ex friends in which I trusted the confidence of this website too. I really had no idea these people would care enough to read this site. But, apparently they have. Instead of understanding it's a place where I free write (i.e. means no editing so yes lots of typos and misspellings) and spew my spleen (that means get out my emotions) which are typically irrational (yes, not always the truth, but just how I feel at the time), they decided to make it a joke.
I refuse to allow this place where I come to be honest with my feelings to be ruined by a bunch of jack asses. Yes jack asses, how's that for passive aggressive. I hope this little message furthers your pathetic egos by giving you more fuel to add to your fire of making fun of people. It seems it's one of the few things in life you are good at and makes you feel like big people.
I just never thought you people would stoop to that level, but thanks for teaching me a new lesson; I never realized I hurt you that much for you to be so mean, callous and cold hearted. So I apologize for my actions in the past. I know I hurt you and my actions were wrong. There is nothing I can say or do to make up for it, but I am truly sorry for whatever transgression I committed (oh, and believe me I'm aware of them). I was at a really bad place in my life and was not the type of person I wanted to be. If you can not accept this apology and move on with your lives then there is nothing else I can do.
Getting past my anger and hurt, I do truly wish you happiness and success.
Moveon.org E-mail - Gift to Big Insurance
Once again, I am disappointed by our leaders in Congress. If you agree, here is an e-mail I received from moveon.org where you can sign a petition.
First I want to add my two cents: It's true that having no public option will not create competition (this is what the Republicans say they want when using key words like free market, but what they really want are monopolies & complete price control). No competition = out of control costs = less people in insured = more people bankrupt = more deaths do to lack of insurance = pathetic for our nation. Just another personal note, the so called by in option for those 55 and older into Medicare, great start but not good enough. It will be expensive, medicare coverage is not enough & my father has to remain in CHINA to be able to afford proper medical care. Can you believe it? CHINA can take better care of my dad than the US!
And on a more personal / selfish note, I want the option of being able to pick from various plans that actually have to compete with one another. Could this possible lead to better & less expensive coverage? What a novel idea for a poor college student to have the option of considering. Anyway,
Peace, love and all that jazz!
Dear MoveOn member,
Hi. I'm Robert Reich, former Secretary of Labor under President Clinton and currently a professor at the University of California. You've probably heard about a possible "deal" in the Senate to do away with the public option. I'm here to tell you that this is no deal: it's a gift to Big Insurance, plain and simple.
The details are sketchy. The only thing that's really clear is the deal would drop the public option from the bill. With no public option, there's no guarantee of real competition. And without real competition, health care costs will continue to be out of control. But the deal is far from done. If voters generate a massive outcry around this and progressive leaders in Congress fight back, we can fix it.
The petition says: "You must make sure health care reform includes a real public option—it's what the majority of Americans want. Anything less is a gift to Big Insurance." With no public option, the Senate "deal" is a giveaway to Big Insurance—and industry insiders admit it!
One recently wrote "We WIN," in an email about the "deal." What's in this "deal"? Like I said, almost no one knows the details. That means that progressives who embrace it right now may be giving away the store without getting anything in return.
But here's what we do know: First, it might allow some 55-64 year-olds to buy into Medicare. Second, it might allow those without employer health insurance to buy private insurance the way federal employees do.
So what's the problem here? A system of only private insurers simply will not control costs. Without competition from a public option, insurance companies have no incentive to compete—just like now. Enlarging Medicare is no answer. The Senate bill slows Medicare's costs only if they're rising faster than total health spending. But with private insurers running the show, total health spending will still be out of control. Plus, we have no idea how many people might be allowed to buy into Medicare, or if it will be even close to affordable for them.
Health care reform must include a strong public option. It's key to controlling costs, expanding coverage, and forcing Big Insurance to compete. Without it, we'll end up with a national health care system controlled by a handful of very large corporations accountable neither to American voters nor to the market. And that is not even close to real health care reform.
Please sign the petition to House and Senate leadership and the White House today. The deal is still up in the air. If congressional progressives hold strong—and public demand for a public option is clear—then White House and congressional leaders will have to do what they haven't: put pressure on the few conservative Democrats to get on board and help pass real health care reform with a public option.
Go to MoveOn.org today & take action!
Spewing of the Spleen
Ok, ok, I feel as though I should be introspective and find the wise words of wisdom from this life experience, but I really just want to spew out my agitation and disappointment. Ok, so I have a myspace page. I have a lot of information about me up there, i.e. my education, my jobs, pictures of myself and friends, and writings from my blogs. There is just one thing that really pisses me off.
Why do people not actually look at all of the information I provide them before contacting me?
I’m getting really sick of the “I’m looking for an older women who can teach me sexual tricks” or “Looking for fun on the side” of my favorite “Looking for a relationship”. The last one is not so bad. But (I don’t know how to say this without coming off snobbish) all of these types of guys only graduated from high school that’s it. What in the world would make them think I’d be interested in having anything to do with them, let alone some tryst? I mean I have a JD for heaven’s sake, what the hell gives anyone the idea I would sleep with some random guy on myspace, ugh. Furthermore, for the guys looking to have a relationship why in the world would they think I would be interested in someone who has slim to no education and would make less money than me?
Ok, let me explain that last statement a little more. It’s not that having no education makes me better, or someone less, it’s just I am a very intelligent person who enjoys intellectual conversations. I have found that those who don’t have an education but are still successful and intellectual are the exception and not the rule. Finally, as much as I am a proud liberal woman, I still want to find a provider for my children, when I have some. For a change it would be nice to be able to rely on someone else to take care of things on that front.
I know there are exceptions to these generalizations, but in my experience, I just do not connect, have any shared interest in someone who is not educated and like me. That’s just the unfortunate reality. I’ve just found I can have nothing in common with them and can barely even be friends. God, even now I feel like a bad person for saying stuff like this, but gosh namit it’s true and people need to just suck it up and face reality.
The reality is I want a partner, an equal in life, not another body to take care of and raise.
Ok, finally, read my damn information and look at my damn pictures before contacting me! Yes, I have a pretty face, but because of my past trauma’s I am overweight and do not have an attractive body. I know this; it’s my damn protective shield against attracting men. Now that I am becoming more comfortable with myself again, I have been working on this, but it’s still there. SO don’t tell me you are a real person, say your interested because you checked out my profile, then ask me for pics & just stop talking to me when I slap you with reality. Wow, how old are we? And really, you are so real that you understand that you will eventually get old and look gross too right? I really hate shallow fake men. The reality is, yes I may not have a picture perfect body, but that I have power to change; whereas other things are not so controllable. At least my family ages well and I will always look younger than my age. I’m just a little ticked off because I allowed myself to get my hopes up over some guy on myspace (my first stupid mistake, but I’m getting desperate, it’s not like eligible men are raining from the sky where I am living & I’m not getting any younger).
Of course, don’t worry that I am getting desperate, I still won’t settle for Mr. almost perfect, or Mr. just about right. I’d rather live alone and spoil myself with lavish trips and shopping sprees.
I’m just so really tempted to put a disclaimer on my myspace page:
“If you are just interested in sex, do not have an education above the high school level, have no job or a dead end job, please do not contact me!”
Well, what I really want to put is “Please do not apply!” I feel like searching for a partner in life is just like a job interview for me now. I just want to see their resume first so they meet my minimum qualifications then try and get to no them. That way less of my & their time is wasted and you can just focus on the hard stuff, like chemistry, goals, aspirations, wants, desires, needs, etc …
Ok, I am finally running out of steam. Thanks for reading if you lasted through my entire rant. Hope everyone’s weekend is fun! I have to go shovel my car out of some snow for an appointment.
Peace, love and all that jazz.
Update
ConfidenceCoalition.Org
Today, I pledge to be more confident in myself and my abilities.
I will be forgiving and generous to myself and others. I will embrace my unique beauty and do my best to ignore the stereotypes portrayed in the media. I will encourage those around me to focus on their true beauty.
I will not attempt to sabotage anyone else’s self-confidence. I will not participate in any forms of physical or emotional abuse including bullying, cyberbullying, gossiping, hazing, exclusion, humiliation and coercion. I will treat others as I would want to be treated.
I will have the confidence to stand up for myself and others. I will not let peer pressure lead me to forgo my values. I will respect myself enough to say “NO” to people and situations that are unhealthy to my well-being. I will not stay in an abusive relationship. I will not pressure others to participate in behaviors that go against their values.
By joining with others, I will make the world a better place for all women and girls. I will encourage confidence in myself, my friends, my family and others.
My Baking Soda Miracle!
WARNING: With all types of remedies there are always some risks if not taken properly, this is just my experience with Baking Soda.
Baking soda is fast becoming one of my most favorite household products. Why do you ask? Well not only does it sit in my refrigerator and freezer to keep away food smells, but over the last couple of years it has become invaluable in my attempt to treat health problems with home remedies.
1st - I am a women who inevitably gets urinary tract infections (UTIs). The first time I got one, I went to the doctor as I had blood in my urine and received a Rx for antibiotics. Well, as time passed and I continued to get UTIs (about 2 or 3 times a year), I kept going to my doctor for antibiotics. I became worried that my continued use of antibiotics would result in a resistance to them. So, I began attempting to curb off UTIs by chugging cranberry juice when I felt one coming on. Although this helped sometimes, it did not always and I was back resorting to antibiotics.
It turns out that while in London for a summer, I discovered they have OTC medicine for UTIs (which was good because I could not afford a doctors appointment there). I picked up several packets and they worked like a charm. Luckily I brought a couple of packets home with me to the States. Unfortunately I could not find any similar products when I got back. So, I searched the internet once again for home remedies and what amazing home remedy do I find? A baking soda cocktail: mix 1/2 tsp of baking soda & vitamin C powder in glass of water and drink (the vitamin C gives it a little flavor and helps keep the acid / alkaline balanced in the body).
All I have to say is thank god I found this solution because every time I have used it (for about 2 years now) I have prevented UTIs from developing further and have forgone the use of antibiotics. Which by the way was crucial as I seem to have developed an allergic reaction to many antibiotics (go me).
2nd - The last couple of nights I have not been able to sleep due to heartburn. Yes that lovely constant feeling like you have to burp & the burning sensation in your throat/chest. I keep forgetting to by some OTC meds (antacids) as I usually don't get heartburn for very long. Tonight it was just too much, so I hopped on the great world wide web looking for a home remedy which I actually had in my house to solve my problem. And wouldn't you know, it calls for baking soda once again. As I've been writing this I have steadily been drinking down the baking soda and I can already feel a reduction in the burning sensation (although still there). So far so good and I am fast becoming a baking soda convert!
So my conclusions: before running to your doctors to get another overpriced & symptom directed treatment, look for home remedies and ways in which you can prevent these occurrences by making changes in your daily living. Would it not be nice to prevent these things before occurring especially in this health care crisis?
The Flu Season is Here! Surveillance on Facebook
Day 1
So this past Sunday I was suddenly struck sick with flu like symptoms. At first I thought I just had bronchitis because I woke up with a sore throat and a massive headache. I then tried to get out of bed and realized how weak I was. I decided to spend the day in bed, medicate & hydrate, hoping I'd head off this sickness. Later that evening I realized I had a fever as I went from freezing cold to hot sweats and my body felt like it had been hit by a semi-truck.
On this day, I took both Ibuprofen, an expectorant, echinacea and lots of water.
Day 2
I woke up with a minor headache and my sore throat was still there. I was still a bit clammy and sweaty, although my body was not as fatigue. I called my big brother and had him deliver some chicken noodle soup & vitamin C packets which are added to water. I continued medicating myself with Ibuprofen, the expectorant, echinacea and now the Vitamin C.
In the afternoon my fever began to rise and I realized it still had not broke. According to what I have researched one is contagious with the flu 24 hours before symptoms start and 24 hours after the fever breaks without medicine. So, I continue to take my meds, sleep and watch tv. By night fall, I'm coughing less, my sore throat is better, but now my nose is congested.
I'm writing this because in between watching tv, and sleeping, I've been checking on my facebook account and was amazed to find so many people reporting fever & sickness on their status. I realized in my area, flu season hath hittith’ the fan.
I have to admit, I've never been aware of flu season until I have gotten older and realized the amount of stress I put myself under. I have to say, I am a true believer that stress greatly impacts a persons ability to fight off sickness. When I am healthy both physically and mentally, I rarely if ever get sick and the opposite is true when I'm unhealthy both physically and mentally.
My advice: the best way to prevent sickness is to take care of yourself both physically, mentally and emotionally.
Long Time ...
So, I know I've been gone a while, but I have been dealing with some traumas in my life. No nothing life shattering or life threatening, but emotional trauma's just the same which has led me into a depressive funk. I am now just starting to come out of the two week depressive period. One of the added things about this depression is my ability to sleep has been severely compromised. I have dealt with PTSD & depression for over 10 years now in one form or another, with brief periods of respite in between events. One of the major indicators of stress and depression for me is my inability to sleep at night even with prescribed meds (i.e., ambien). As a result, I had developed several tools in order to combat this when I am at my worst & it took my several years to perfect it. It's a combination of meditation, self guided imagery, self hypnosis or even reading homework to fall asleep. So far it's not working this time around, so I'm going for the writing it down to help get it out and off my mind tool.
Yet even now, the words are failing me. I began this post in order to write down my problems / struggles and now there's just nothing, silence. What the heck? Maybe I'm not yet ready to discuss it as of yet, or maybe I really don't know where the problems are stemming from. Back to the drawing board with self reflection. Yeesh.
Well peace all and hope you are doing well. I'm still here just struggling a bit, but I will get through it, as always.
Feeling Hurt
On the flip side, while some of my bonds of friendships are strengthening I feel I've lost others. As I heard this from a friend, another once friend said "She is done with me." Apparently L is pissed off at me because she got caught telling people a secret of another friend, S. I admitted to said friend, S, that I was guilty of this as well and apologized, told her there was no excuse for my actions & that I was sorry. S got mad, hurt & I accepted that, but later we continued talking and she soon forgave me. But among this conversation, S figured out what L had done and it was confirmed by another source. So when S confronted L, L got pissed at me rather than taking responsibility for her actions & told S that she was done with me.
This is the kind of high school none sense I was getting sick of and prompted me to talk to S in the first place. Everyone in our "group" of friends had been guilty at some point or another betraying or talking sh*t about someone else at one point or another. I just got sick of it and really wanted to clear the air and build a stronger relationship with my friend S, which luckily I have accomplished. But amidst this I have been ostracized from the group it seems. It appears L is being super friendly with S, & L, J, & D (3 of the group) no longer communicates with me.
Although, I recognized I have not yet tried to contact them, I really am not in a place to deal with any confrontations or B.S. I really don't have it in me emotionally to try and work things out. I am so hurt right now that everyone is so easily and willing to drop our friendships & it makes me question whether they really were my friends to begin with or just drinking buddies. Furthermore, I just barely escaped from the emotional abuse of my ex-roommate and I really can't take anymore manipulations, lies or B.S. from anyone else right now.
The fact of the matter is, I am sorry if other people got hurt as a result of my confession to S & I am sorry that I didn't take into consideration the ramifications it would have to others. But I was just trying to be honest to S. No, I did not think of how it would affect her relationships with others because I didn't think my confession could, or that it would lead to the discovery of betrayals by others.
Of course, I don't know what is running around in everyone's brains, but I do know their actions, or inactions. I'm just tired; tired of being hurt by those around me, tired of being let down by those I care about & just tired of being so easily discarded.
But, I am thankful for those who have stood by my, listened to me, supported me and have just been such great friends to me. They keep me tethered & keep my optimism going; it's just sometimes hard to see it through the hurt and pain.
Ode To My True Friends
The bond that ties us stays strong and only expands.
Eventually we always find our way back to one another;
And this is my thanks to you, my true friends.
You have stood by me through trauma, drama and loss
You've provided support and an ear to turn too.
You've recognized and accepted my support when asked
You've trusted me with your troubles and concerns.
Above all you have been a true and great friend.
One who has helped me become a better person.
One who has allowed me to maintain hope and optimism for people
As a result of your kindness and compassion you display.
I feel blessed to have a friend such as you
And blessed to have you a part of my life's journey.
I am confident are bond is so strong,
And that we will be friends forever true.
My Response to Obama's Speech
My initial reaction was wow, I am listening to my generation's version of MLK. BHO's oratory ability is amazing, sometimes I wonder if we are all just so excited to have a articulate educated sounding POTUS that we get wrapped in just by this one aspect. Notwithstanding that, there are several key points I was happy to see him address:
First the goals in which he wants to achieve for the future. Second, dispelling the myths being circulated about the proposal. Third, being firm at calling out those members of Congress who continue to use this issue for political gain rather than put the health & well being of the American people first. As well as several more.
After watching I checked out people's response on Twitter and other sites. I was amazed at the majority of positive support for this speech & Obama's plan. Although I still see some of the discussion being sidetrack by lies, liars & mudslinging name callers.
But I also understand some people's frustration for not getting specifics of the bill.
My response: Let's be real. There is no way BHO can give all the details of the plan in a condensed speech. If you really want to know the specifics get on that wonderful new invention called the WWW and google the proposed bill. Take a little responsibility for educating yourself on what he proposes rather than criticizing him for not giving all the details.
My second response: I think BHO is still trying to allow for some wiggle room in order for both sides of the aisle to collaborate & come up with the best possible / passable plan. Although, many criticize him for cross the aisle instead of forcing it threw, I think in the long run this way will be more beneficial, more debate, more ideas & more scrutiny of the plan itself - then again I'm an optimist.
The thing that really and truly ticked me off was the fact that our POTUS had to call out once collogues, media, & others LIARS for spreading incorrect information about the so called death panels. The purpose of these panels, in my understanding, was to allow families to receive information, counseling & help planning for & dealing with end of life decisions for themselves and loved ones. For some reason this is an incredibly touchy subject for Americans and the idea that one plans for or discusses their wishes before the event is so outrageous that they got to be called death panels really offends and disappoints me. Furthermore, DRs have a hard time discussing these issues and the idea behind the panels was to create a discussion or communication within society so these things can be discussed openly without so much fear, heaven forbid we talk about what we fear.
Overall, I was incredibly impressed by this speech and am hopeful once again that we will get something done, anything that will move us in the right direction. But I do agree with having a public option in order to actually create a free market, make insurance companies compete & hold them accountable.
My final note, I was not incredibly impressed or moved by the Republic response. It did sound incredible scripted & failed to address, what I feel are valid concerns of the republican party. I felt it just focused on what they see as wrong rather than putting forth reasonable suggestions & solutions that really benefit the American people.
Just my biased opinions & thoughts on the matter. Have a good night all!
Fragile Friendships
The ties of friendship,
So easily severed, so easily forgotten.
I mourn for the loss of friendships,
I mourn even more over the feeling of disappointment
Of being let down once again
By those who surround me, my once so called friends.
It takes only one event, the cutting of the string that binds.
Do I accept and move on, or fight?
Do I try to retie the string that once was,
Knowing it will be forever changed,
Or give up and watch the pieces steadily fade away.
GRAD SCHOOL V. LAW SCHOOL (INITIAL COMPARISON)
Ok, so finally graduated w/ my JD in May and took the bar in Jul (keep your fingers crossed for me). I am now finishing up my MPH (Master's in Public Health). For the MPH, the first year requires everyone to take the same required courses, then the second year you have more electives or course required depending on your concentration. As a result of completing my JD in conjunction of being accepted to the MPH program already, I have basically completed the second year course requirements & electives and am now stuck in the first year.
I have one class which reminds me of high school, takes attendance, has in class quizzes, homework assignments to be turned in, several exams & heaven forbid do not come in late. Seriously? How old are we & who is paying who for what education? In my other classes, I have homework assignments to be turned in throughout the semester & a couple of exams. What happened to me when I'm complaining of having my grade be based on more than just one final exam or paper? I remember the first year of law school cringing at the idea of having my entire semester grade based on one final exam - now I wish I had that back. I learned that with the final exam, I could slack off, get behind during the semester & still bust my butt at the end of the semester and get an A. Now I have to actually suffer through classes, work throughout the semester, keep up with assignments in order to get an A. Sheesh, what are they thinking of?
Ok, although it's kind of hard to switch gears in terms of studying habits & patterns, I have looked at the amount of reading & work required for the courses & as it appears initially, it's cake compared to law school. Definitely not as much reading or material being absorbed, so go me, or not.
So my initial evaluation of Grad school compared to law school = it's much easier, less work overall, but more busy BS work.
We'll see how this changes as the semester moves forward. Now I have to get back to being put to sleep in my biostatistics class. Yawn.
Peace love & all that jazz.
Vegas Baby
The Calm After the Storm
One, drinking buddies do not equal friends. There has to be something more deep & meaningful for me to classify my association with someone as a friendship. Two, friendships need nurturing and time. Three, I want to keep some the friendships I've gained because they do have a solid foundation, but in order to do that I need communicate more with them, as they do with me.
What has brought me to these conclusions? Well after my rant about my girl friend, I really looked hard and evaluated the situation. I looked within myself & talked to several people. What I discovered is, there are some things in which I need to do in order to prevent situations like this from occurring, namely talk to her, be open, and really figure out what's going on inside that head of hers. I also realized that the changes I am going through makes things awkward and uncomfortable and I should not be making snap judgments about people until I fully understand the emotions being stirred inside of me.
So I picked up dinner tonight and headed over to my friends house and let her know I wanted to talk to her. One of things I discovered was how hurt she's been lately by those of us around her. I also realized that while I have been consumed by my own changes, I have not noticed her problems either. I did point out to her, that I will be there for her, but right now she needs to talk to me, let me know, because I am a little preoccupied, but when she does ask I will be there for her. We also had a frank discussion about her flirting. I understand where she is coming from & know that it's not intentionally done to hurt those of us around her, but I also was able to point out that it has ramifications she will have to accept if she does not want to change those behaviors. I was also able to tell her, that I would really like her to not have to rely so much on attention by men for validation.
I learned 2 important things. She is aware of these issues and being able to talk to her about it, both from my perspective and her perspective only has made us closer. And 2, I can have adult conversations with a friend, discuss uncomfortable topics and still trust that they understand I love them, flaws and all. I also opened the door for her to bring my actions into question, and I have to try and remember to handle it as well as her (sometimes this is a lot easier then others depending on the current emotional state & the approach taken, but I have gotten better at it).
So, although it has been an emotionally grueling day, I'm hoping I made the right decision to trust her, myself and open the doors to communication. I know some of the stuff we spoke about might have other repercussions, but I only hope our friendship is strong enough to survive them.
Another Rant
I just don't get these two people. I don't know if it's lack of self control, attention depravation, or lack of self confidence, but I am tired that what comes out of their mouths does not comport with their actions. How the hell are the rest of us supposed to know what you are feeling or thinking when you are sending contradictory messages? And quite frankly I am so sick of trying to figure out these two people.
Oh let me be clear ... I am tired of going out with said person and being hurt. You want to know how? By being second fiddle, chop liver, easily disregarded by both the assholes we meet and by the friend I go out with. You want to know why you do not have a lot of girl friends or the ones who are around you don't respect you, a) they don't trust you to not flirt with the men they are interested in; b) you'd ditch us girls in a heart beat for a guy; and c) you only care what guys think or how they react to your looks & personalty, what we say does not matter, thanks that makes me feel good. And quite frankly, I am not going to sit there and compete with you for attention. From now on, you want the center, it's all yours & I am walking out of the room, stick a fork in me I am done.
You really want to know why I am so ticked off. I'm hurting because I feel like I was discarded by my friends again & I am ticked off that I constantly hear "I look like shit" yet she still manages to have guys flocking to her, while I sit there feeling like the ugly duckling / wall flower in the room. Please tell me, when do people get real? When can I say, "see with them, what you see is what you get" and I don't have to waste the mental or emotional energy trying to decode them.
Finally, I go out with my friends to feel better, to reconnect with the world. More and more, I find myself being hurt, feeling worse about myself, feeling like the odd person out, etc... I don't expect them to make me happy, that's all on me, but when I am in a good mood to start and I come home feeling like crap, and it's been a pattern lately, it's kind of making me start to wonder. It really hurts me to start pondering whether I need to move on and find different people to hang out with because I'm really tired of coming home feeling like shit, rather than feeling happy that I spent time with my so called friends.
I don't know, cause at the same I know I am emotionally vulnerable right now, but do I really want to surround myself with people who clearly have their own issues to deal with and who constantly hurt me (although I have to admit most probably don't realize it, because I usually just take the shit and move on, well the shit is starting to overflow and I feel the bitch coming out, I'm tired of being dumped on, used, easily disregarded, & taken advantage of). So I guess I will have to start pondering how I can act, to limit / prevent those around me from continuing this or you know what I just need to move on. Any suggestions?
Loving Caress
I feel free to fly into ecstasy, trusting you will be there to catch me when I land. You heighten all my feelings, emotional and physical, so I feel as if I am bursting with life inside. You strum my body like a precious instrument playing the age old tune of love while I breath in your essence. Never have I felt such connection with another being, another soul. Never have I felt such connection and understanding of myself. This is the gift you bring to me every night and I will be forever grateful. I vow to repay such bounty by remaining forever in your arms, your heart, your soul.